E. Vanessa Bethel

In Transition

In Writing on January 23, 2012 at 2:56 am

I have spent so much time talking about change, about making necessary adjustments to my life but i haven’t followed through with most of them. I don’t fully understand why – life gets in the way i guess. It’s ridiculous that I’ve allowed that to happen though because another day goes by that I’m unhappy. Don’t get me wrong I’m not some completely miserable person who mopes around all day everyday. Actually i think I’m rather fun and silly a lot of the time and consistently pleasant. It’s just at the end of the day I’m not living the life i want too.

As of late i truly feel as though i’m truly transitioning. We all have those points in our lives where a real shift occurs. This year is going to be a big one for me. I’m tackling a lot of my issues that exist due to my fucked up family and past. It’s going to take time as i don’t even fully understand the depth of its influence. I’ll be making a lot of poignant decisions regarding my financial future. Learning to live more in the now and be less concerned with the future. Taking better care of myself as a whole. Embracing and overcoming my fears, working to learn how to focus and explore my various interests, and be less thought and more action. I have been unknowingly sitting back waiting for something to happen rather than making it happen.

This is all rather exciting and a tad intimidating but fuck that! It’s time for the real me to make her debut.

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Consumed/Desire

In Desire, Women, Writing on January 21, 2012 at 3:08 am
I am consumed with a burning desire.  A desire for her touch, her smell, her taste, her voice……for her.  It’s so heavy.  This desire sits on my chest, i can hardly breathe.
This desire flutters in the pit of my stomach, i can barely eat.  Everyday begins and ends with thoughts of you.

Dear Future Girlfriend,

In Desire, Women, Writing on January 21, 2012 at 2:56 am

I want to walk into my bedroom and see you in my bed. Your hair draped over my pillow, your legs intertwined with my sheets. I want to come home to you. Your naked frame laying there for the taking. Laying there in wait and want….for me.